Snow College Photo Montage

Closing Another Chapter

Well finals are over and the semester is coming to a close. I have yet to start packing but it shouldn't take too long.  Anyway I to take a moment to give a shout out to my best friend.  I appreciate all my friends but I'm especially  thankful for one in particular. When I first met Trevin I knew I could be friends with him. I never expected him to become my best friend though but he did. As you know if you read this blog it has been a rough, emotional semester for me and Trevin was one of those people who was always there for me. I know he lost a lot of sleep to make sure I was going to be okay. He helped me get back on my own two feet both mentally and emotionally and I am so grateful for that.  In two days we'll be going our separate ways. I'll still visit him from time to time but I'm still going to miss him the second he leaves.  I'm going to miss seeing him everyday.

Something New

Tonight I did something I had never done before. I cried....not because I was sad but because I was happy. I had never done that before. What happened was I made myself a warm glass of milk to help me get back to sleep and started thinking about the week's events a few things in particular which I won't go into detail about and then I had a row of flashbacks from when I was kid like Grandpa taking me fishing, brownie wars with my cousin, all the sleep overs at my grandma's when she would make me a glass of warm milk to help me relax, the time  my little brother stood up for me after finding out I was being cheated on, my first time playing Mafia...That time the popular girls actually invited me to hang out with them, My first day and first concert with the community choir (R.I.P Mary, We miss you) So I want to thank everyone who has been a positive influence in my life for helping me have a reason to get up every day. Thanks you and may God bless you all.

Observation

Why is it that every time I find something that makes me happy I lose it in some way or Other?

More thoughts

Why is it the more I try to fight it the further I seem to fall? I am starting to think I should have said no to Homecoming but at the same time...it lead to both the best and the worst moments of my life...but I'm starting to wonder if the good was worth the bad. This is why I'm so afraid of being happy. It's starting to hurt to be around people . I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to be alone, but I hurt too much to be around people. I want to be able to be around people, but when I am I have to turn around and leave again before they see me cry. Soon all my friends will be gone and it will be just me again. I'm scared. I'm sick of feeling. Can I just go back to two years ago when I didn't feel anything?