Once Again

Once again I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for the love of my life, as well as my family and friends. I wouldn't be here without them. They give me hope, advice, comfort, support, and understanding hearts. I'm so glad to have met these people. They put up with me admirably are are such examples to me in their own way. I love you all so much. Thank you for being in my life.

I'm so empty...I'm in my own bed, yet I'm longing for home. I'm trying to remember the last time I felt like a priority in a relationship and...I draw a blank. Am I always going to feel like everyone's second hand? Their second or last choice? Sometimes I look back and feel like a used doll no one wanted. I don't want to be the result of a lack of better options. I want to be loved for who I am, not who I could be but...is that possible? I can't even love myself how can I expect someone else to love me for myself? So many people have thrown me away and left me behind. I'm so afraid it will happen again soon. People seem to be happier when I'm not there...would it be best if I just stay by myself in my shell? If they really see me will they leave? Sometimes I think I am meant to be alone. I don't know what to do...

Someday

Someday, at least just once I want to be enough. Someday, I'd like to be told I'm okay the way I am, that I don't have to change even though I know I do. I just want to be enough, even though I am a disaster of a person to be around...I want to be accepted as I am...I know it's a lot to ask, and a rather stupid thing to ask but...even just once...just one person who's seen my flaws and still thinks I'm perfect...just once. Please? I just want to be good enough...