Broken, hurt, betrayed

There are times when I completely hate myself. When I'm up all night trying to figure out how I could have fixed things in the past. This is one of those times. Sometimes I try to juggle keeping everyone happy and I fail. I fail at a lot of things. I get obsessive when I find something that makes me happy, I know. I try to not be.  But in the end, I get shut out without so much as a full explanation. I'm bitter, I'll admit it. I'm angry and broken and hurt. I feel betrayed. I asked. I expected honesty. I believed her when she said she wasn't mad at me, when she said everything was fine. I should've known better. Now I'm cut off. I JUST WANTED HONESTY! Why didn't she tell me? I would've fixed what was wrong in a heartbeat. Now I'm left behind again, because I was an idiot. My brother was right. I'm just another dumb blonde hiding behind hair dye. Why does everyone leave? Is it just me as a person? Is that why no one would be my friend when I was little? Am I just a bad person by default? I try so hard to do the right things...can't I do anything right? What's the point? I just want to make people happy...but whenever I do something to make ME happy...I tell a story that happened in a conversation with another person, problem is I only have three people who talk to me. I'm going to come off as obsessive. But I have nothing to talk about so I either tell the story and a person gets mad at me for always talking about the other person or I just don't say anything and the person gets mad at me saying they can't talk to me. What's the point in even trying to make friends when everyone leaves in the end?