Growing up, and answering questions

Growing up is weird:

 I honestly feel no different than when I was 16, but things happen, people go out on their own adventure and they change. Some times for the better sometimes for the worse. (I hope I am changing for the better) People find other people, they become friends, or fall in love, then they find THAT person and get married and continue on with their lives. I've been asked if I was ready for that were someone to ask me that one question every little girl dreams about. In all honesty I'm not sure. I know that at some point I do want to get married. I know very few people who don't. But am I ready for that? My family doesn't have the best record in that department. Before marrying my grandma that I know today my Grandpa Jacobs got divorced (I believe), My Dad got divorced twice. My Aunt Heidi and Aunt Cari: I don't even know how many times they have been divorced: I think two or three times...My Grandma and Grandpa Rader just got divorced, and my cousin is filing for divorce...I don't know about everyone else but I want to get married and do it right the first time. There is nothing worse than a family that falls apart especially when you were young when it happened because sometimes, although you know it was probably the right decision for the couple in question, you can't help but wonder if they left because they didn't want you. I can't believe that is true with my family but every now and then the question still shows up. I don't ever want my kids (if I have any) to ever have to ask themselves that question. I've seen what it's done to people and let me tell you it is one of the saddest things in the world

Question: "When did you start liking your boyfriend?"
     
 Well that depends on your definition of 'like' I mean I liked him when we met. I thought he was a cool guy I could get along with and would be a good person to have as a friend; but there is always that one person who mean like as having feelings for. I had this discussion once. You can never really pinpoint the moment you start developing feelings for a person that is why it is called "Developing" I'm STILL developing feelings for Trevin. The scary thing about emotions is that they change constantly. Sure you have the same basic feeling about them but there are different ways those emotions can be felt. Take love for example the most complex emotion of all in my opinion. There is such a thing as unhealthy love. when you start worrying that they are going to just disappear without a second glance so you kind of cling onto them fearing the worst because you care about them so much and you don't expect them to stay but you hope they do anyway. Then you have that love that is the most honest (in my opinion) where you trust that they will do whatever they can to not hurt you even if they leave and you more or less give your heart more openly knowing that they will be gentle with it and that they will not drop it on accident and you are just that more relaxed and no longer feeling like you are fighting for the relationship (whatever kind that might be Platonic or otherwise) and if they decide to leave,you can accept that.

Question: "Why do you put up with Trevin?" 

Earlier this evening I didn't know but I've thought about it: I would never call the time I spend with Trevin as 'Putting up with" him for various reasons. That would suggest I don't enjoy the time we spend together, when it is the highlight of my day. That is when I can relax, have fun, and be comforted knowing that I am around people that I know approve of me. which leads me to the nauseatingly clichè ramble: Those who know me know that I do not have the best relationship history. That said I look back on them and realize that 2 out of three there was something missing and I realized what that something was. (Warning mussy romantic stuff that I usually try to avoid) : When I'm around Trevin I feel like he is actually happy to have me around. Rather because he genuinely enjoys my company or I am the one who currently provides his access to the digital world I don't know...but then sometimes when we make eye contact to me he looks at me like I really am an important person. Yeah he "abuses" me with tickles and such but honestly I don't care. It makes me laugh which is fun; so I get as much amusement out of it as he does, and honestly it hurts when he talks  to people and says "when she breaks up with me..." because I could never see me doing that to anyone unless I saw myself getting hurt by them. I only did it once and that was because I found out the guy was cheating on me. That is the ONLY circumstance I can see me doing that so sir, you're stuck with me until you decide to call it off.

and now that I have had my spill and am almost done eating my dinner I'll leave you to think about that