Random Spill of Everything

    I've been thinking about next semester a lot and decided I don't want it to come yet. Looking back there are a lot of things I would have changed. Things I did that I wouldn't do; things I didn't do that I would have done etc. It's just...there are some things that I know are going to change next semester that I wish wouldn't (and since the two people who read this already know about it ; yes it's the break up I'm referring to) I mean I'm okay with it and all but at the same time it's going to take some adjusting and almost everyone knows I tend to have a difficult time with that, but there are also things I know are going to change that I will enjoy. To be honest I'm not sure what to think.  I try to think that everything that happens is for the best but sometimes I struggle believing that. I don't know. Maybe I'm over thinking this all.
    I'm starting to doubt if I know anything about myself any more. It's like everything I knew about myself was written down or a sheet of paper but now when I look at that paper everything is blank. There's nothing there. My whole personality just washed away like it was never there. Maybe I never had my own personality like my brother Scott says. Maybe that's why I take on the personalities of the people I spend time with. Did people ever like me for me or what they thought I was? Was there ever a 'me' to like? Why am I even thinking about this? Maybe that's why I'm so afraid of being alone. Because I don't know myself, therefore I'm afraid of myself. This blog is for me to pour my thoughts out into so that I can organize them, and also to keep my family updated on what's going on. But my thoughts are a contradiction It really is a jumble of nothing. My head is spinning with thoughts, I just can't get a grasp on them so I don't know what I'm thinking. Can I just go back to Snow and curl up on a bed with a pillow and just stay there? I'm told that sometime you just need to be alone. It's during the times most people recommend it that it scares me most. I guess I'm just weird like that.    

   I'm told I smile too much. I guess that's a good thing because that must mean things are getting better. I remember being told I needed to smile more, but in the words of Wicked "Who can say if I've been changed for the better?" I should go to bed before I start over anylising everything again. good night and thank you for being patient