Worried

My grandma was in the hospital...Normally this is the part where Bryce asks if I need to take a walk, I say yes and I pour out what's bothering me, or Trevin asks what's wrong and I let it out...or some friend or other is there to tell me it's going to be okay. But I'm not at Snow. It's 4:32 am  and everyone is asleep. Last time this happened I knew I needed to be around people. James noticed I'd been crying and we went upstairs so I could talk about it. I worry when Grandma has to go to the hospital. I know she's strong spirited but she also seems so fragile lately...

On other news: Everyone seems to think I'm depressed. There are only two posts on this blog where I can say it is validated. A lot of things that I've posted about on here that others may see as depressing to me seem thought provoking or inspirational. Guess I'm just different like that but to say that I think I'm "worthless, useless, helpless, friendless, and hopeless."

Worthless? well, I'd have to say no on that.

Useless? Well Grandpa always says I'm good for nothing,and as far as I know he's right. I don't get paid for being good! When I feel like I can't do anything to help fix a situation  for someone I care about. yeah.

 Helpless? Yeah, sometimes I feel helpless. Mostly when I don't know how to help a friend. Though I've been told I don't even know how to help myself, so sure. I feel helpless sometimes. Doesn't everyone?

 Friendless? Never. Are you kidding me? How can I feel friendless when I have over a dozen fantastic people who I know will always be there for me? In fact I think that's most of my problem is that I miss my friends. I never seem to be able to spend enough time with them before a break and not miss them the second I get off campus. I know Mum says all of them are welcome at any time but 1. we would probably have to be picked up in the bus (for those in the audience who don't know our family owns a school bus) 2. They have their own families that miss them too. 3. tight rooming arrangements...Dad would probably end up pitching tents in the back yard or there would be sleeping bags everywhere.

 Hopeless? I admit it's sometimes hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel (and I use the term 'Sometimes' very loosely here) and I get lost, but that's where my friend come in and set me back on the right track. I just need to get back to my friends is all It's weird not being able to see them all everyday and as I've mentioned before I get used to things and it's hard for me to let go right away. Breaks are hard on me. I miss my friends more than anything.

 It's tough on me to leave my friends, but at the same time I don't want them to feel like they have to slowly pry me off with a crowbar either. I know I can be clingy. I guess I'm just afraid that one day I'll wake up and find that all of it was a dream because it's going so well...